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Puzzling Dream . . .

I don't usually speak of my dreams, but I took a nap this afternoon and dreamed something that I'm trying to figure out.

It was a dream about him, of course. Or was it?

In the dream, my parents were watching some TV show that they watched regularly. My sister was there and she pointed at one of the actors on the screen and asked something like "Isn't that [Mr. TBH]?"

And I wasn't sure. There was a certain resemblance (even as I turn the images over in my head, I see a kinda-sorta resemblance) but I couldn't say with certainty it was or wasn't him. The voice didn't sound like his--even in the dream I thought if I'd heard his voice, it would have done me in, but the voice of this actor didn't have that effect on me.

And yet, in the dream, I had memories of him mentioning that he'd done 'work' of some kind on the show (behind-the-scenes type work) but that he hadn't mentioned acting on it.

So I racked my dream mind trying to figure it out and stared at the screen at this person who may have been my lover. I don't recall the plot, just that he was one of several people on the screen. Something, maybe, about his declaring his love to someone who wasn't in the shot.

Then in the dream I was walking with my sister (down some stairs or something and then into somewhere outside) and talking about it. I asked her, with her entertainment industry experience, how long it took after shooting for a TV show to hit the screen. In the dream she said two weeks. (An absurd notion in reality, but this is my subconscious we're talking about.) I pondered and said that even if it took as many as eight weeks for special-effects-heavy shows (which this show wasn't--it was some kind of drama, the kind my parents watch) then it's entirely possible that this all took place after I'd broken off things with him and he'd diminished and later ceased communication with me.

Then I asked if maybe we could see in the credits if his name was there, but by the time we got back to look at the screen, the credits were just finishing.

And I couldn't call him and just ask him, because I'm not allowed to communicate with him that way right now.

Then I woke up and nearly forgot it until something flickered across my mind and brought it all back to me.

But the more I turn the pictures over in my head the more certain I am of this:

It wasn't him. It wasn't him at all.