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Better Living Through Chemistry

I was in a snarly, crabby mood for much of today. It wasn't stress, exactly--I had a lot to do, but it was no worse than any other Thursday. Little things that I usually take in stride were irritating the living fuck out of me, (my co-worker singing Christmas carols, for example) and my overall mood seemed to be mired in an unshakable funk. I tried breathing, I tried stretching, nothing seemed to take.

Then I remembered. I'd neglected to take my meds last night, since we'd gone straight to Melton's after doing our Catholic routine for The Feast of the Immaculate Conception (or, as I like to call it, The Feast of the Perpetual Misconception, since I have to keep explaining to non-Catholics that it's not Jesus' conception we're talking about, but Mary's.) I usually take my meds after dinner, but going out to eat throws off my routine.

So one day without my Paxil and Zyprexa and I'm thrown back into suck city. I hate this. I hate the fact that my moods are so dependent on these fucking chemicals. I hate the way everything gets tinted like a dirty window and all I can see is what's wrong.

I went to the gym and lifted heavy things for a while, and that seemed to help. So did dinner and a shower. And remembering to take my meds this time.

Today I took pleasure in a hot shower.

Today I learned that I managed to earn $1.95 in overtime this paycheck.

Comments

( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
julieduranie
Dec. 9th, 2005 01:47 am (UTC)
Meds suck. My medications have been reduced a lot since I have been in therapy. Therapy sucks too though.
carinajp
Dec. 9th, 2005 07:55 am (UTC)
"Feast of Perpetual Misconception" LOVE IT!!!!
carinajp
Dec. 9th, 2005 07:59 am (UTC)
BTW...yes, it's very difficult to accept meds. I still haven't completely accepted it for myself, but I try my best to think of it as just another medication for the regulation of body chemistry, like Synthroid for hypothyroidism or insulin for diabetes. After all, that's what it *is*, right?

((hugs))
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )