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Having had The Talk with Mr. TBH ("Where is this going, exactly? Nowhere? All righty, then.") I composed an ad to put on Craigslist to see what I could find.

Last night I finally posted it.

Now, before we go any further, let me introduce you to your friend and mine, Mr. Back Button. It should be the little arrow pointing to the left at the top of your browser. If you find that what I have to say doesn't suit you, simply click Mr. Back Button and you will be whisked back to the plethora of possibilites that the w4m ads on Craigslist have to offer. Move on to one of them. It really is that simple.

Right. The vital stats-- white female, age 36, 5' 8", 130 pounds, short brown hair, blue-gray eyes . . . don't these things start to look like police reports after a certain point? I have a turned-up nose that forever condemns me to be 'cute' and never 'gorgeous'. And good cheekbones, apparently.

Professionally employed, own a condominium just barely inside the perimeter, but a intown girl at heart.

I have never been married. I have no children. I would prefer to be with someone who is similarly unburdened, but I also understand that we live in an imperfect world.

Looks good, huh? Not so fast, buster. We have to get to the rest of it. Then you may be thinking a little differently.

I've done naked performance art on multiple occasions. I have recited my poetry in such diverse venues as the top of a roof in Little Five Points and the High Museum of Art.

I own every single album Duran Duran has ever released. Including, and especially, the ones you've never heard of. I once saw them play live eleven times. In one month.

I write compulsively. I blog, I journal, I've co-written plays, bashed out a couple of novels and am surrounded by little scraps of paper where I've scribbled in tiny writing just to clear my head and kill time while waiting in bars, restaurants, lines and traffic. I read a lot, too, though not as much as I'd like.

I love to go out and see bands in small clubs. I'm not quite a Kenny Crucial-level fixture of the scene or anything, but if you ever saw The Tender Idols play, you probably saw me up front dancing my heart out.

I have a sense of humor that appreciates classic Warner Brothers cartoons, Eddie Izzard, Monty Python, MST3K and the Muppets.

If you're a sci-fi geek, I speak your language, though it's no longer my native country. I do visit a couple of times a year, though, at Chattacon and DragonCon.

If you know what a switch is, we could have a very good time indeed.

I don't watch television. The cable doesn't work, and I am no good at keeping an appointment with an appliance anyway. My TV set is generally used for DVD playback. I waste all my spare time on the internet instead, particularly Second Life.

For a movie to hold my interest, it either has to be amazingly good or hilariously bad. I have little patience for mediocrity in cinema. I own both Citizen Kane AND a box set of Ed Wood DVDs, which pretty much says it all.

I am firmly of the opinion that travel is better than drugs for expanding the mind.

I drink alcohol. I do not smoke cigarettes. I used to smoke cloves for a short time, but eventually quit.

I am a practicing Roman Catholic, but there are many points where the Vatican and Yours Truly quietly part ways.

I have a sort of love-hate relationship with the New Age movement--deriving the wisdom from most of those books is a bit like getting the toy surprise out of a box of kid's cereal. No matter how you go about it, you end up covered in sticky sweetness. But I've seen and done and experienced too much to dismiss all of it as hooey.

If none of this has sent you to Mr. Back Button by now, we could be on to something here. Read on to see what I'm looking for, and find out if you qualify.

In the long term, I'm looking for a permanent arrangement. In the short term, I just want to meet some people, get the hell out of the house and see what happens.

If you're just looking for a warm, wet place to put your johnson, you're not going to find it here. Say hello to Mr. Back Button.

If you are married, you're also going to have to say hello to Mr. Back Button. One is enough, thanks.

Actually, if you're in any relationship and the other party is not aware that you're looking for additional companionship, you should also be hitting Mr. Back Button. If the other party IS aware, and is okay with it, then that's acceptable.

Since so many m4w ads tend to have a million veiled and explicit ways to say "no fat chicks, please" I reserve the same right. Face it, guys, if you want somebody whose weight is "proportional", then you'd best be "proportional" yourself.

Androgyny in looks a plus. (Duran Duran fan, remember?) Androgyny in mind a must--I need somebody with enough yin to match my yang, if you will.

Creativity is absolutely essential. Mundanity is abhorrent. Coolness doesn't really fly with me, if it's the kind of coolness that is constantly checking to make sure it's saying, doing, wearing, listening to and going to the right things. That's way too high school for me. I prefer the kind of coolness that truly and absolutely doesn't give a damn about other people's opinions as long as it's having a good time.

Age and race are not really a factor for me. If you have no deep-seated issues about dating a 36-year-old white chick, then we should be fine, as long as we're sufficiently compatible in all other areas.

You should be as least as smart as I am. You don't need to be a super-genius, but I'd like someone who can keep up with me conversationally.

You must be able to kiss. At the very least, you must be humble enough to be willing to be taught how to do it properly.

If you made it all the way to the end of this, congratulations on your persistence. You have proven you have an attention span of longer than 3.2 seconds, which is also a point in your favor.

Bonus points if you can tell me your favorite songs by The Beatles.

Extra bonus points if you can tell me your favorite songs by Duran Duran.

SUPER bonus points if you can tell me your favorite songs by either David Sylvian or Nick Drake.

(No fair Googling and just throwing titles at me--you need to be able to sing these songs to me when we meet and explain in detail why you love them.)

Articulate responses with pictures get higher priority than inarticulate responses without pictures. If you don't have a picture handy, be as smart and witty as possible. Responses that show a lack of basic reading comprehension will be soundly mocked. Thanks for playing and good luck in your search, wherever it may lead.

Thirty-four responses in about twenty-four hours. Yikes. Most of them pretty articulate, too. It's going to take me a while to sift through all of them.

One guy who actually sent a picture and wrote in complete sentences mentioned he was going to be at some restaurant on Peachtree for some cheap wine, and I was welcome to join him there.

So I did. I even got there first. Which was good, because by the time he'd gotten there, he'd changed his mind about where he wanted to go--he only stopped by on the off chance that I'd take him up on his offer. So we went down the street to a bar that apparently had just opened and sat in the corner away from the guy on the acoustic guitar playing cover songs and had some drinks and a long conversation. He seems nice. I may even see him again, but I don't see it veering into relationship territory.

Today was lots of sleep and a few errands. Waffling on whether to go out or stay in tonight. Might at least go out to dinner.

Today I took pleasure in a long drink of cold water.

Today I learned the tarot card "The Hermit" is also known as "The Wise One".


( 7 comments — Leave a comment )
May. 13th, 2007 02:39 am (UTC)
LOVE the ad
I should hire you to write one for me.
May. 13th, 2007 03:39 am (UTC)

I only got freaks on mine.

Maybe because I'm in Lost Angeles, and you are in Hotlanta.
May. 13th, 2007 04:43 am (UTC)
This is a woman who FEARLESSLY

walked into the Hard Rock Hotel in a red glitter and feather ensemble.

Trez applaud.
May. 13th, 2007 03:40 pm (UTC)
I love it!
May. 14th, 2007 10:00 am (UTC)
Great advert! Best of luck on things. :)
May. 14th, 2007 05:06 pm (UTC)
It IS a great advert. I like!

And, congrats, you have just volunteered to be my Craig's List test monkey for my thesis project. :P XD :)

Plz to let me know the pluses and minuses involved in meeting other people via this website. ;)

(WHY did I chose social networks as my thesis subject? I am a cranky biotch when I get mail from foot fetishists and married men and illiterates, and I'm not even looking for a dude at the moment. I just set myself up for months of aggravation.

As a bonus, I'm locked in, because my prof did HER thesis on sexuality in game systems and even wrote a book, so she is all excited that my project is similar to hers, something I did not know when I proposed it, and she keeps pushing the theory angle on these sites when my goal is to set up something that doesn't rely on the hows and whys and theory behind the sites. Argh. Plus she's teaching Thesis Part II in the fall, so I'm locked in. Ha ha, good one, Fate!

On a more serious note, I don't really mind so much. I just see the inevitability of such events now and laugh quietly about it.)

It's too bad we can't clone our best female buds, or a nice pick-a-mix pu-pu-platter drawn from same, and make the clones heterosexual single boys.
May. 14th, 2007 07:53 pm (UTC)
Damn, woman! I'd date you! :hugs:
( 7 comments — Leave a comment )