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Hello Darkness, my old friend . . .

Mr. TBH and I have officially broken up. Or, rather, downgraded our relationship (such as it was) to Just Friends.

The details are actually pretty irrelevant. It was doomed from the start, I went into it knowing it was doomed. When we had the big talk very early on about how he would not be able to give me what I was hoping for in a relationship, I told him it was a bit like going down a garden path that you knew had an end, but that you wanted to see all of where it led.

I think it may well have reached a point where I was cutting myself on brambles because I didn't want to admit to myself that the path had ended. But I finally reached the point of turning around and going back.

I loved him deeply--I still do--and I will miss what we had. He was the third man I ever truly fell in love with. And it was the first time I'd been in love like that where I was the one to call it off. (Though, in a sense, he'd been calling it off with his actions for some time.)

The pain is incredibly deep and I have no idea how long it will last. I have to be vigilant and make sure this doesn't send me into a tailspin of depression.

Though most of the details about this relationship were confined to locked entries, I decided to make this one public. I ask that those of you who were privy to those entries please avoid speaking of those details, should you choose to comment.

(It's too early in the morning for pleasure and learning. As it is, I've barely slept and the ache in my heart is too intense to take pleasure in much of anything.)

Comments

divan_diva
Aug. 10th, 2007 02:38 am (UTC)
Just sending you pats and "there, theres"
Such pain and misery, I am sorry you are hurting. I wish you moments of clarity and joy strewn about your path while you heal.