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On the Verge of Okay

I can't say the pain is completely gone--the moment I do, it rears back up as if to say "Oh, really?" But I am a little closer to acceptance.

I'm reminded of a quote from John Stuart Mill that I stumbled across in my copy of Bartlett's Familiar Quotations and was fond of using through much of high school: "Ask yourself whether you are happy and you cease to be so." So I'm trying not to ask.

The physical symptoms have not subsided, though, which makes it hard to function. I haven't had solid food since Thursday night (Friday I sustained myself on green tea and milk) and I started this morning with the dry heaves. I've taken an acid reducer to see if that will help any.

Friday night I took in another Eddie Izzard DVD and went to bed relatively early. I blinked awake in the wee smalls, got up and did some writing, went back to bed and dreamed a bit more. My dreams have been vivid and, while hard to describe, very helpful at providing insights into my state of mind.

I've now spent a portion of the morning texting back and forth with Mr. TBH to negotiate the return of my digital camera, my book and the money I loaned him when he blew a tire and needed a new one. I'm not as shaky and upset about this as I might have been a couple of days ago, so I guess I'm on the road to recovery.

Still too early in the morning for pleasure and learning. I'm going to call my friend Lake and see about visiting her for a bit today.


( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
Aug. 11th, 2007 03:09 pm (UTC)
*Hugs* Hang in there kiddo.

I have been thinking about you and wondering how you were doing.
Aug. 12th, 2007 02:21 pm (UTC)
Glad we talked. I'm still just a phonecall away if necessary.
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )